I'm Not Being Strict, I'm Listening
When people see me these days—not eating refined sugar, saying no to wine (even those crisp, dry rosés of the season), or heading out for a hard workout instead of immersing myself in work or doing something for fun—they sometimes say, “Wow, you’re so disciplined.”
I usually smile, and try to say something to inspire them, but inside I just want to say: I’m not being strict, I’m listening.
On the surface, it might look like I live by rules and restriction. But the truth is, I’ve arrived at these choices after years—decades, really—of trial, error, and self-discovery. Every so-called “rule” I follow isn’t about denying myself pleasure. It’s about listening to my body, my history, and the very real feedback I get when I veer off course.
This is not about perfectionism. It’s not about punishment. It’s about momentum—building a life that helps me feel my best.
Why It Looks Strict from the Outside
Let’s be honest: when someone says they don’t eat sugar, avoid processed foods, or work out five days a week, it does sound extreme—especially in a culture where “treat yourself” is the norm.
But here’s what outsiders can’t see: the hidden cost of “normal.”
For me, eating the way most people eat doesn’t just add a few pounds or make me feel sluggish—it worsens my health issues. It ramps up inflammation, clouds my thinking, disrupts my sleep, and steals my energy and ability to focus. And once you’ve lived on both sides of that equation, the choice isn’t about being strict. It’s about survival, vitality, and self-respect.
Strictness implies rigidity, a white-knuckled adherence to rules. Listening, on the other hand, is flexible. It’s about noticing what’s happening in real time and responding with compassion.
Years of Trial and Error
I didn’t arrive at my current lifestyle overnight. It’s the result of years of experiments:
Testing out “healthy” habits that just got me so far or completely backfired. I’ve had phases of being a vegetarian (21 years!), macrobiotic, vegan, raw, runner, yogini, meditation…Some of it was motivated by principle, and some of it by trying to apply rules to reign-in uncontrolled behavior, like chronic overeating (and subsequent weight issues).
Falling off the wagon more times than I can count, and subsequent cries of frustration: “Why can’t I do this?!”
Trying to set boundaries/rules, only to rebel against them
While I like to think that each trial and setback taught me something – and it did to an extent – those were all diets or practices, the “what to eat” or “type of exercise. I had the mindset of trying to figure it out – finally! – and then I’d be all set.
But it wasn’t until I shifted the approach from “what to eat” as good/bad, right/wrong to “what to eat today, right now,” that I started learning to pay attention to how different foods, workouts, and rhythms made me feel—not just in the moment, but the next day, the next week, the next season.
“How am I eating” became as important as “what I am eating.”
Each meal became an experiment that gave me data.
Slowly, I stopped asking, “What should I be doing?” and started asking, “What actually helps me thrive?”
This shift from external rules to internal listening was the real breakthrough.
The Momentum of Feeling Good
Here’s what happens when you start listening:
You notice that the workout you almost skipped leaves you feeling strong and clear-minded all day. (And the days missed have do have less energy and mental focus.)
You realize that the “treat” food that smells amazing makes you foggy and irritable afterward.
You connect the dots between consistent sleep and a calmer mind, and lifestyle choices like exercise, food, and time outside.
And over time, these little data points build momentum.
It stops being about willpower and becomes about desire. Not the fleeting desire of “I want that cookie,” but the deeper desire of “I want to feel like my best self.”
Momentum is powerful. Once you’ve strung together enough days of clarity, energy, and strength, you’re less likely to trade it in for the short-lived hit of sugar or the temporary comfort of skipping movement.
The Myth of Deprivation
To an outsider, my choices might look like deprivation:
No sugar? Isn’t that sad?
Early bedtime? Aren’t you missing out?
Vigorous exercise? Isn’t that punishment?
But here’s the thing: real deprivation is losing my vitality, my sharpness, my joy. Real deprivation is waking up every day in a body that feels heavy, foggy, or inflamed.
Saying no to what drags me down isn’t deprivation—it’s protection. It’s investment. It’s choosing long-term satisfaction over short-term indulgence.
Listening as a Skill
Listening doesn’t come naturally at first. We live in a culture that teaches us to override signals:
Drink coffee to push through fatigue.
Take a pill for the symptom instead of asking what caused it.
Keep going until you collapse.
Learning to listen means slowing down enough to notice. It means asking:
How do I feel right now?
What did I eat, drink, or do yesterday that might be influencing today?
What choice could I make that would support me, not sabotage me?
How will I feel later if I eat or drink that?
Like any skill, it gets sharper with practice. And once you experience the rewards—more energy, steadier moods, greater clarity—you start to trust your inner compass more than the noise of the world around you.
The Reframe: Rules vs. Experiments
This is why I’ve grown wary of the word rules when it comes to health. Rules are rigid. Rules invite rebellion. Rules are someone else’s idea of what’s right for you.
[Note: There are important nutritional and biological concepts that do become critical guidelines, such as what sugar does in the body, for example, but which are also validated by personal experience.]
Experiments, on the other hand, are curious and compassionate. They say: Let’s try this and see what happens. They don’t demand perfection; they invite awareness.
When you approach your health as a series of experiments, you collect data instead of shame. You discover what truly works for your unique body. And slowly, those discoveries accumulate into a personalized way of living that feels sustainable.
Weight Loss Without Rules
This philosophy—experimenting, listening, and building momentum—is at the heart of my upcoming book and programs: Weight Loss Without Rules.
The premise is simple but radical: weight loss is not the goal. Self-understanding is. Weight loss that is attained by following someone else’s rules doesn’t equate to how to make meanifuly choices based on personal experience. Plenty of people, rather, most people, put the weight back on. That’s because they followed someone else’s rules, often with success, only to slip back into old habits.
Because if you lose the weight but don’t know how to process emotions, manage stress, or envision a new self, the weight comes right back. But if you cultivate self-awareness and self-compassion, your choices shift naturally—and your health transforms in a way that lasts.
This is not another quick fix. It’s not another list of “good” and “bad” foods (though you may build that list for yourself.
It’s an invitation to experiment with your own life, to listen deeply to your body, and to find the rhythm that helps you feel your best.
Why This Matters Now
We live in a moment where health advice is everywhere—yet sustainable health feels harder to grasp than ever. People are overwhelmed by conflicting rules: keto, vegan, intermittent fasting, low-carb, high-protein, paleo.
The result? Decision fatigue. Confusion. Guilt.
I want to offer a different path. A quieter path. A path that says: You already have the answers. You just need to learn how to listen.
An Invitation
So the next time you see me say no to dessert or head out for a workout, know this: I’m not being strict. I’m not living by someone else’s rules.
I’m listening.
And I want to invite you to do the same.
Start by noticing one small pattern this week: how a certain food affects your mood, how a walk changes your afternoon, how a bedtime ritual influences your sleep. Track it. Reflect on it. That’s your data.
Then ask: What would it look like if I lived less by rules, and more by listening?
Because the real goal isn’t to appear disciplined—it’s to build a life where choices are based on self-understanding. And listening takes practice.
If you’d like to learn more about his approach or upcoming program, please reach out.
