What Comes Before the Fresh Start

As the year winds down, there’s a familiar energy in the air.

A pull toward fresh starts.
Wonder about what the New Year will bring.
Making plans.
Clean slates.

I love that impulse. And there’s research to suggest that having a specific date, like the New Year, can be an effective line of demarcation between the way things were and the way things will be. Smokers and alcoholics often enshrine their quit dates as part of the process of quitting, making it an effective I’m-not-going-back-there trope.

But I’ve learned something important over the years—both personally and through my work with thousands of women:

Change doesn’t start when you do something new.
It starts when you loosen your grip on what came before.

That’s why my most successful quit-sugar clients are those who are “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” And those who struggle? They want to hold on to their pleasures, and rituals, and habits but also need to change, usually because of the extra weight is causing health problems.

Many years ago, I was on a retreat. One night, we gathered around a bonfire. We wrote down the things we wanted to let go of—habits, patterns, stories—and tossed the paper into the flames while chanting words that meant something like, “this is no longer useful, goodbye.”

It felt powerful. Liberating.
And also… a little wishful. I remember anticipating feeling relief or lightness, but that never came. I remember the facilitator of the process saying the fire would take as much as we can give it, but you really have to want to let go. To be done.

Being done with something certainly can make the hard work of change easier; it can keep you motivated. But letting go in real life isn’t a single moment.
It’s a process of choice we repeat, and repeat, and repeat.

What we’re often being asked to release—whether it’s a habit, a favorite dessert, a coping mechanism, or a familiar routine—once served us. It brought relief. Pleasure. Comfort. Distraction. Maybe a sense of control when things felt hard.

No wonder we hold on.

This is where so many change efforts quietly fall apart.

We tell ourselves we want something different…but not really being ready to let go.

That internal tug-of-war isn’t a failure of discipline.
It’s cognitive dissonance—holding two competing desires at once.

And until that conflict is acknowledged, change feels exhausting.

Here are two reframes I’ve found helpful:

1) The 1% rule.

You don’t need to be 100% ready to change.
You don’t need perfect clarity or unwavering motivation.

You just need to want the future version of yourself slightly more—
even 1% more—than the comfort of the current habit.

In a tug of war between the past and the future, just 1% can be the tipping point.

But the choice associated with moving the needle more in your favor actually isn’t between you current desire and your long-term goals (wanting the cookie now or the weight loss in the future). It is the choice between having the cookie now and being the person who doesn’t want a cookie now.

We only have choice and control in the moment, so if you can muster up the desire for “freedom from wanting” just 1% more than the desire for the cookie, you’re not using willpower, you’re changing your identity in the moment. And a 1% identity shift can loosen the grip of attachments and habits.

2) Just loosen your grip.

Many people don’t realize how much they are subconsciously, or maybe deliberately, holding on the old way of doing something just because it’s “the way I like it,” or “the way I’ve always done it,” or, “that’s just the way I am.”

Could there be other ways of treating yourself that you could learn to enjoy? Yes. Could there be other ways of navigating powerful emotions? Yes. Could there be other ways you plan meals and shop for food?...Of course there are!!

Adopting the experimentation mindset is key here for removing resistance. Instead of your logical mind imposing rules on the body and emotions, as in “no desserts after dinner,” we curiously ask “What if…?”

What if I brushed my teeth after dinner?

What if I found a delicious after-dinner tea?

What if I took a bath instead of sitting down to the TV (where I would snack)?

This mode of experimentation shifts the game from one of willpower and discipline to one of curiosity and discovery, which is less threatening to the status quo.

As we head into a new year, I invite you to consider what habits and attachments you can let go of to explore and discover a healthier version of yourself.

What are you ready to loosen your grip on—so your fresh start has room to land?

If you want support walking through this process more intentionally, the Fresh Start Bootcamp begins soon, and the early bird window is open until January 15.

And if you’re curious about how cravings—especially around food—can be read as clues rather than flaws, I’m teaching Your Cravings Are a Clue masterclass on three dates in January.

Both are invitations to begin—not by trying harder, but by understanding yourself more deeply.